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I’ve been wanting to talk about today’s topic for quite some time and I’m just getting around to it, which, shocker, is so on point for me, and that’s exactly what we’re going to talk about today.
As I’m sure you saw in the episode title, I’m opening up about my ADHD diagnosis and experience in the hopes that you’ll learn something from me. Maybe you have ADHD and want to feel like you’re not alone in your journey, or maybe you have ADHD but you want some new ideas about how to work through your stuff, or maybe you have ADHD but you don’t know it yet and this podcast episode helped point you in the right direction. Or maybe you just like getting to know me as a person!
Whatever the case is, I’ll admit that I’m a little nervous to talk to you today just because I’m still very much in the thick of figuring out what ADHD looks like for me and how I can thrive with it and it’s messy. And messy is scary for me.
I also feel like you might think I’m a phony if I have struggles because technically I’m supposed to be an expert and an authority that you can come to to learn from and trust in your own health journey, so if I have obvious weaknesses then what I have to teach you is no longer valid.
But I think that this weakness of mine (and the fact that I’m not perfect) only proves what I’ve been trying to say all along: that you can’t be the best wife, the best mom, the best business owner, or the best you, if you’re not actively pursuing yourself and investing in yourself and putting yourself first.
Sometimes that looks like getting fries and a Frosty by yourself, and other times it looks like doing the messy, dirty work of working through your weaknesses so you can become stronger, more resilient, more dependable, and most importantly, more trusting of yourself and what you’re capable of.
So I hope that in showing you a very raw, vulnerable part of me, we’ll feel a bit more connected and a bit more relatable. And maybe even a bit more unified in our own desires to be a well nourished mama!
In today’s episode, I’m going to talk about how I even discovered the possibility of having ADHD, how I got my diagnosis, some of the really quirky personality traits that, for me, are tell-tale signs of my own ADHD, and what I’m doing now and working towards in the future to manage my neurospicy self.
Before we do that, I just want to remind you that everything you’ll hear in today’s episode is not meant to replace medical advice from your doctor or a certified professional and it’s not meant to treat your own ADHD.
Another reason I wanted to publish this podcast episode specifically is because I first learned that I might have ADHD from another creator’s podcast episode. Her name is Jenna Kutcher, she’s huge in the marketing/business world, and she dedicated a whole podcast episode to her ADHD diagnosis.
I kid you not, I remember reading the title of her episode and being like “I thought only kids got diagnosed with ADHD…?” Like I have a few friends that are neurodivergent but they got diagnosed as kids and have been on medication for more than a decade so it was really shocking to me that a 30-something-year-old woman could just randomly get diagnosed with ADHD one day.
So of course, the curiosity in me took over and I binged the whole episode. And throughout the entire episode, I kept hearing myself say, “oh my gosh that sounds just like me” or “no way I’ve been that way my whole life” or “does this mean I could have ADHD?” and it just got my wheels spinning.
I quietly kept this to myself for months, like I didn’t even tell my husband, because I was in such disbelief that there was even a remote possibility that I could have ADHD. But the more I thought about what Jenna described and the more I learned about it, the more I realized that I checked most of the boxes.
It wasn’t until probably a year ago that I said something to Tyler, my husband, and I prefaced it with, “I think I might have ADHD, but I know that sounds crazy, so I just want to tell you what I’ve learned so you can tell me I’m crazy and we can just laugh about it and move on.”
Well, if you can’t already tell, that didn’t happen. Tyler laughed, but more in a I’m-shocked-that-we-didn’t-realize-this-sooner kind of way.
Then I mentioned something to my dad, who is a doctor, and he straight up said “there’s no way, you’re just looking for an excuse for your bad habits.” Well, in my defense, it wasn’t an excuse, but more of an explanation. And while his comment was pretty hurtful, it drove me to pursue an official diagnosis from a qualified professional so I could know once and for all if I was just making things up or not.
In February of this year, 2024, I met with a psychologist who specializes in anxiety and ADHD, my two best traits, and got assessed. By the end of her questionnaire, she looked at me and said, “you are textbook ADHD.”
The relief that I felt in that moment was overwhelming in the best way possible. My entire life finally made sense. And I know that’s a little dramatic, but for my whole life I’ve felt less than, like I was broken or lazy or dumb, or a combination of all of those, and have spent so much time and energy trying to prove to everyone else that I’m good enough despite my flaws.
Now I finally had an explanation for why some things come so easy and others are much harder for me, and why I do or don’t do certain things.
And I’m going to go into more detail about those personality traits of mine, but first I want to clarify what ADHD looks like in adult women because this is one of the biggest reasons why women like me go undiagnosed for so long and why my dad literally told me I was crazy. I want to set the record straight so we’re all on the same page.
There are three types of ADHD and your symptoms vary depending on which type you have. There’s inattentive, hyperactive/impulsive, or combined. I’ll go over each one so you can see the differences:
This is the most common one for women and it’s harder to notice because its manifestations are mostly internal. It looks like struggling to focus for long periods of time, zoning out during a conversation, and putting off or forgetting altogether the “boring” or “mundane” tasks like paying bills, meal planning, and laundry.
Now, I know almost everyone experiences these things at some point, but the point I want to make with this podcast episode is that for people with ADHD, these are the norm. These symptoms are basically the only way we experience life and they are much more severe than just “oh dang I forgot to pay that bill one time” or “oops I was really stressed so I didn’t pay much attention to that conversation.”
It’s more like “no matter how hard I try I can’t remember to do the simple things, let alone do them on time,” and “no matter how hard I’m focusing, I’m still zoning out during conversations and missing information.”
This one is more common for men, and it’s also the type of ADHD that most people think about when they hear the term ADHD. It’s the one where you can’t sit still and you have to move around all the time, you’re interrupting other people when they’re talking, and it’s really hard for you to be quiet.
The impulsivity comes into play with usually money, food, or things like drugs and alcohol. People with this type are usually impulse buyers, drug or gambling addicts, and they might also have disordered eating habits.
The symptoms of the hyperactive type are much more obvious because they are external.
Combined is, you guessed it, where you have both the inattentive and hyperactive types. This is me. Most of my symptoms are internal, like forgetting things and struggling to pay attention, but I’ve also struggled with disordered eating and I know that if I’m not careful I will be an impulse buyer, so to compensate for that, I’m extremely anxious about our family’s money.
Some other symptoms I want to highlight are ones that are a little bit less obvious and are usually isolated as their own thing.
The biggest one I’ve learned about is perfectionism. This is an overcompensation technique that helps mask the perceived weaknesses of someone with ADHD. For example, because I’m so disorganized, both internally and externally, I mask with perfectionism. I did this with my notes in school, my to-do lists, and the final product of anything I create, whether it was a powerpoint presentation in AP English or my cookbook that I’m still trying to finish right now.
The funny thing is that disorganization is also one of the key indicators of ADHD but it’s usually just in places no one else can see, which is another reason perfectionism is a masking tool of people with ADHD. So while my notes and my projects are perfect, my room is a disaster. Like I have a floor-drobe instead of a wardrobe, dresser, or hamper. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t keep my personal space organized.
But if you came into my house right now, you’d see a perfectly organized kitchen and living space and honestly, given the fact that I have two little kids, it’s not that dirty. That’s my way of hiding my disorganization with perfectionism.
Besides perfectionism and simultaneously disorganization, there’s things like anxiety, eating disorders (like I mentioned), emotional dysregulation, time blindness, and insomnia. Oh, and procrastination. That one is HUGE.
Now that you know what ADHD looks like in the majority of adult women, I’m going to share some really random but very specific examples of what ADHD looks like for me. I started keeping a list on my phone because I was genuinely curious and I discovered a lot more than I think, so I’ll just read you the list.
But please remember that this list is not diagnostic and it’s personal to me, although I know lots of women that share similar traits. I also want to quickly say that you might see yourself in some of these examples, but it’s the depth and severity of the examples that shows my ADHD.
For example, one of the things on my list is that I can’t remember names. You might be like “oh my gosh me too” but if that’s one of the only ones you identify with, that doesn’t necessarily mean you have ADHD.
So as I read off my weird list, see how many of them you identify with and make yourself laugh.
Here are some of my very specific personal examples of ADHD:
While it’s interesting to hear about my unique traits (I try not to see them as weaknesses) and laugh about them, especially if you relate to anything I said, the most important thing I want to share with you is what I’m doing about it.
One of the unfortunate things I see most with ADHD content online is that most people just focus on the symptoms or quirks and that’s it. There’s never any sort of management techniques or resources to help the listener learn how to thrive despite their symptoms and quirks. For a while I just felt like “wow I’m so broken and that’s just who I am so I’m gonna laugh about it and just roll with it” but I don’t like that. I honestly don’t believe any of that, despite what other people say on social media.
Now, I’m not saying I can cure my ADHD at all, but what I am saying is that just because that’s a condition I have doesn’t mean that’s who I am. I am not defined by my weaknesses or my mental health condition(s) or even my successes. I am kind, honest, passionate, creative, hard-working, and always trying to become better than I was the day before, and those qualities aren’t diminished by my ADHD diagnosis or anything else I might struggle with in this life.
So I want to quickly share with you what the messy middle looks like. You’ve heard how I discovered ADHD for myself and what it looks like for me personally, but I want to make sure we end on a positive note of how I’m moving forward so you can have an idea of how you can move forward if you find yourself in a similar position as me.
First, I’m currently in therapy with a psychologist who specializes in ADHD and anxiety. I see her twice a month and she’s really helped me talk through my thought process and how I experience things to see how we can create individualized coping strategies and management techniques.
I’m also being very open, honest, and vocal with my husband and the people that I work with in different capacities so they can anticipate where I might fall short, give me some grace, and most importantly, support me in the specific ways I need to succeed.
With my husband Tyler, this has looked like a lot of delegation and division of responsibilities based on our strengths. He has also been really good at setting reminders in his phone to remind me of things on top of the reminders I set for myself. I know it sounds psychotic, but that’s what working for me right now.
With my business and now my two employees, I’ve worked really hard to put systems in place to make sure we stay on track with projects and goals. For example, I know that no matter how hard I try, I always wait until the night before to type up all the info for the podcast shownotes before the new episode goes live. So instead of spending all my energy trying to change something that probably won’t ever change and continue to frustrate me, I put some systems and checkpoints in place to help make that night-before cram as smooth as possible. And it’s working for me. It’s definitely not the most effective way to work for most people, or objectively at all, but it’s what works for me and my brain and that’s what matters.
I’d say the three biggest things I’ve been working on are communication, honesty, and celebration. Communication is the foundation of success, and if I can say exactly what I need, everyone is happier. Honesty has been huge for my relationships with everyone, but especially with myself, because when I’m honest with myself, things just go so much smoother.
And as for celebration, I’ve tried really hard (like I mentioned earlier) to view my weaknesses in a positive way (while still working to improve them of course) and celebrate what they can do for me instead of what they prevent me from doing well.
For example, I’m terrible with procrastination. But, that also means that I work well under pressure, and when push comes to shove, I can work efficiently and meticulously even within a short timeframe. Another example: I usually have an all or nothing mentality, and that keeps me from starting or completing tasks. But, that also means that if I’m in, I’m 1000% in and you can count on me.
Reframing how I view my ADHD quirks has helped ease my anxiety and stress around feeling like a constant failure and it’s also helped me find ways to work with my ADHD, not against it. And this is the path I recommend for anyone struggling with anything, whether it’s a mental health issue, a physical impairment, or just the things life throws at you. Don’t let them weigh you down so much that you can’t move forward or look up, find a way to build your strength so you can continue on with the things you’ve been asked to carry in this life.
The last thing I’m doing to move forward with my ADHD diagnosis is learn as much as I can about it in a holistic way. I found a therapist on Tiktok who approaches ADHD therapy through the most unique, nurturing, and all encompassing way and she has completely changed my life with what she teaches.
So much so that she is actually next week’s guest interview! So if you want to hear more about how to thrive with ADHD, make sure you subscribe and turn on automatic downloads if you haven’t already so you don’t miss next week’s episode. She is the cherry on top to our conversation today and if anything I talked about today has peaked your interest, you need to listen to what my friend Jenna has to say next week.
Alright mama, that’s it for my journey with ADHD. I know this is such a multi-faceted topic and I’m sure you’ve got questions that I didn’t answer so please DM me on Instagram or email me if you want some more info! I’d love to be a resource for you if you are looking to receive a diagnosis or learn to better manage your ADHD.
I’ll see you in the next episode.
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